Seeing yourself differently
How do you tune out the negative and feel positive amid pain?
As the daughter and granddaughter of psychiatrists, I’m acutely aware of my mental health, both in May and throughout the year. I expect others in the chronic pain community are in the same boat: keeping tabs on how their moods shift with their pain and how their pain affects their moods. According to the national nonprofit Mental Health in America, “Research shows that those with chronic pain are four times more likely to have depression or anxiety than those who are pain-free.”
If depression and anxiety weigh you down, you know that sometimes your brain can’t be trusted to tell the truth about your situation. It’s that negative voice in your head whispering that you’re not doing enough or aren’t trying your hardest. It’s the anxious feeling that you should downplay your symptoms when others ask for fear of complaining too much.
More often than not, your brain makes you feel less-than for struggling with chronic pain or illness. How do we fight back against internal negativity and see ourselves through a gentler lens?
A New View
I got a lesson in perspective when my daughter drew a portrait of me for Mother’s Day. Usually when I think about how I show up as a mom to her, I worry that my chronic pain gets in the way. But she didn’t list “can’t take long walks with me” or “is always sitting down” on her drawing (which she gave me permission to share below). There wasn’t a section for “constantly uses ice packs” or “complains about pain a lot.” Instead, she can see the positive aspects of my personality that I worry are subsumed by chronic pain.
“Description Picture of the Best Mom” by J. Roop
For parents and caregivers with chronic pain, it can be difficult to keep a positive mental outlook while facing physical restrictions. An article from Psychology Today pointed out, “While almost all parents struggle with feeling good enough, those with pain often face an elevated sense of guilt about their limitations within the family.” Thankfully, the same article noted that having a parent with chronic pain can actually help children develop independence, empathy and compassion.
Like my daughter’s drawing showed, through her eyes, I am creative and protective, special and unique. (Well, “speacil” and “uquine”—in second grade they’re still working on spelling.) Her words remind me that I can strive to be joyful, fun and mentally positive even while balancing my physical limitations.
How do you talk back to negative voices in your head? How do you balance your mental health and your chronic physical pain? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Originally posted in the Chronic Pain Project’s May 2026 Substack issue